Patience

Patience

September 23, 2024 - Topic #6

Grandpa Bruce Randall

Hello Grandchildren,

The subject I wish to focus on today is the value (or character trait) of being a patient person.

The sooner you learn this valuable character trait, the sooner you will become a better person and a better friend. This has been one of Grandpa Randall's hardest lessons to learn in life. This is why it would be better for you to learn patience earlier in life.

Characteristics of being Patient

The following are some of Grandpa’s views and characteristics of a patient person:

The General Rule of Patience: Wait. Yes, just wait. Not everything has to happen right now. Often, some of the most important things take time to develop.

SPR - Stimulus, Pause, Response: Grandpa heard this theory a long time ago and it made a very big impact on me. Since I heard it, I have tried hard to use it to be more patient

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Too often, when we receive a stimulus, we respond/react immediately without pausing in that potential space to think about how we'd like to react to it." Viktor Frankl (with a little Stephen R. Covey) 

"No" to "knee-jerk" reactions - some people get awfully upset when certain words are used, or when they are being shouted at, or if they believe "justice" is not being dealt. They believe it should be immediately dealt with, and not with much of a pause between the stimulus and the response. Don't you do that. Use SPR in this situation and cool down first before you respond. This is being patient. (have you ever been to the doctor's office and they tap your knee to see if you leg will automatically raise up without you trying to think about it? That act is called a "knee-jerk" reaction.)

On the Phone (short example) - we don't interrupt people on the phone just because we need "something". We may think "they have been on the phone long enough", or "my needs are more important right now than any other thing, so I deserve to be able to interrupt a phone call". I highly doubt it. We do a lot of rationalizing of why we believe we are so important to be listened to "right now!" Be respectful, and be patient. It is rare that we would have to interrupt someone on the phone. (unless there was a fire started in your house for example...)

Earn it - Then Buy It - when people don't have the money to buy something right now, they should normally save up enough money, then buy it. Most often, you don't need to have something "right now", even thought it might be on sale, or be such a great deal. You should plan for what you need and work hard to earn enough money to buy it. Lots of people go into debt to buy things. Most everyone has done it, even Grammy and I. But it is better not to go into debt because debt is most often bad. You have to pay interest on debt. Your parents can tell you more about that :).

Be Patient, Especially with Family - Sometimes we think we can treat our family members with less patience than everyone else. You probably don't even think you are doing that. That is "wrong thinking". We should be more patient with our family since we know them better than anyone else. They love us the most (normally....:)

Be Patient With Yourself - It often takes a lot of time to grow up and get it right. You will make mistakes along the way, probably a lot of them. Grandpa would recommend you "repent" (change to improve) often so you can work on continually becoming a better person. Be patient with yourself. Forgive yourself quickly and move on. Take the time to create something good and beautiful.

Keep Going - even though you don't see much (if any) improvement in some area, you just need to keep going. If you really believe in something, and you want to get something done, or acquire a "good" characteristic in life, it normally is going to take some time and some real effort. It will probably be hard to do. You can do hard things. Just ask your parents. All of your parents have done hard things. Grammy and I have done hard things. All of us still do hard things. You just have to keep on practicing, trying, moving, etc. You can do what you set out to do no matter what the obstacles may be. Be patient and enduring.

Be Nice AND Happy While Being Patient - If you are not nice or happy while being patient then you are not learning how to be patient very well. Some people get annoyed, some get mad, some get angry, some whine, and others curse. Don't complain about needing to be patient. If you are any of those things I just said, then you really aren't being very patient.

Prompt yourself to Be Patient - There are tricks I use to prompt me onto a path of patience. Sometimes I will whistle to myself. Sometimes I will just say to myself "SPR", or "This is going to take some patience Bruce". I have often said to myself, "just stop it Bruce". Find ways for    you to transfer your impatience to patience. It will be very helpful as you work with others, and with yourself.

Examples of Being Patient

Grandpa's Mission to Japan (example of being patient)

I was not that good of a student in school and didn't even like to study, especially in middle school and high school. I had some bad habits that way. I was called to serve a mission to Japan. Of course, they speak Japanese, which is a very hard language to learn. You have to study a lot to be able to speak it. I also didn't like rice and the Japanese eat rice every day.

It took me almost a year of living in Japan before I started speaking Japanese very well. I also ended up really liking rice. It was a very difficult time in my life, and it took a lot of time for me to change. I really had to be patient. I don't think I was ever a master at the Japanese language but it was good enough to do what I was asked to do.

Also, an amazing thing happened while I was on my mission. I started liking to learn, which meant I started studying, and I ended up liking it. Since that time, I have studied so many things each day. That is one of the reasons I like to get up early each day is so that I have time to study my scriptures, learn new languages, learn what is going on out in the world. Since that time I have had a great desire to always improve myself. I really do love to study now. 

Grandpa Randall in Kagoshima Japan 1977 - (I was not supposed to be in the little tub.)

Grandpa's car accident (example of not being patient)

Eight years ago, back in 2016, Grammy and I were driving home from the temple. I was not being very patient with Google Maps (or with Grammy) and I wanted to know which freeway to take. We were quickly coming up to the point of having to make the decision of which way to go. I didn't think Grammy was hurrying up enough to give me the information I needed so I grabbed my phone and started putting in the directions. Just then, the car in front of me quickly stopped. Guess what, I didn't see it soon enough, because I was looking at my phone.

I hit the car in front of me from behind. The young girl was not hurt from what we call could see, but her car was damaged and we were right there on the freeway. It took a lot more time to get her off the road, exchange information, and then help her get to her Father's place at work. It also ruined the front end of my beautiful Camry fixed. It took three weeks for the Camry to get fixed so we didn't get to use the car for three weeks. Think of all of the time I lost in life by just deciding not to be patient. I also increased the burden of effort on myself, Grammy, and another family. I should have been more patient.

Grandpa's car in another accident. I love my Camry!

Kids Saving for Disney World

Years ago, Grammy and I were able to save up enough money to take 3 of the 5 children to Disney World (Lacey, Jenny, Jason). Matt and Nick were too young for this trip. We didn't have much money so we told the children that they would have to save money for the trip so they could buy what they wanted for souvenirs and treats.

Each child set some goals and then worked save their money. We did this about 6 months before we were going to go there. Grammy and I were able to provide a few extra chores for them if they wanted to do the extra work to earn extra money. They also found other ways to get money. I believe one of them was a lemonade stand.

Lacey, Jenny, and Jason all saved enough money for the trip. Of course, a couple of them wanted to spend it all on the first day. Grandpa decided we needed to put a budget together for each day so they could decide if they wanted to spend it, or not. They did a great job figuring out what they really wanted and when they wanted it. Your parents learned how to budget money at a very young age. I think you should always try to save your money and spend what you have and not going into "debt".

The Family at Gatorland while visiting in Orlando at Disney World.

Being patient is a great characteristic you should continue to work on all of your life. I still work on it "every day".